I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
