the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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