He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
