I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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