dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
