Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think I won the penis lottery.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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