dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
