I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
