Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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