I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize