mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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