Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
