I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
