i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm like, not good at living.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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