Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
