Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i now understand why vodka
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
