i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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