What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
