If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize