Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
