you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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