id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
