you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
