Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
