Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
