Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
