Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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