I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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