At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We need to get me chipped asap
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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