I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
