Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
