Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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