I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
