Banned from zoo.
Again?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
