you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
