Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
