sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
