whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
