I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
