Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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