I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
