I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
