It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
