Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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