i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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