I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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