I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
