Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
