shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
