apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
