Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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