you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
