I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
third nipple confirmed
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
