FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
