I'm going to jail i love you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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