Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
