doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
