Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
