yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
