Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
