just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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