I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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