Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
