woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
