Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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