I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize