So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think my vagina is haunted
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
