As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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