Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
