If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
