I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
